


if you had another one

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Lowercase, Romance, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 11:52:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12457188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: jeongyeon calls. “you can’t live in the practice room,” she says.no one gives you a gps for navigating your feelings.OR how momo and nayeon figure it out. maybe.





	if you had another one

**Author's Note:**

> Pro-tip:
> 
> Avoiding people on public transportation is easily remedied by writing fic on your iPhone. I seriously think I've got about sixteen of these lying around. I've got a problem, lol. That and my lapslock kick.

-

 

 

 

jeongyeon calls. “you can’t _live_ in the practice room,” she says.

sweat gathers against the back of her neck. momo sighs. adjusts her phone. she stares at herself in the practice room mirror.

“i’ll be home in an hour,” she says. “maybe two. i don’t know which manager is bringing me back.”

“nayeon is coming to get you.”

momo blinks. “she is?”

“long story.” jeongyeon’s voice fades out. it’s muffled. then momo hears mina in the background, murmuring. “basically don’t mention internet comments. she may murder you. or start crying about a sandwich.”

“so she’s upset with you.” momo says. jeongyeon chokes. momo feels her mouth twitch. “what makes you think she’s going to talk to me?”

behind her, the door opens. nayeon pops her head in. smiles, but her mouth is trembling. momo feels her entire body soften. shoulders settle back.

“hi,” she greets, and nayeon greets her back with a pout. jeongyeon snorts in momo’s ear. “i’ll leave _you_ to it,” she sing songs. and it’s annoying.

momo hangs up. stares at nayeon as she shuffles into the practice room. her sweatshirt hood is up, over her head. for some reason it makes her look impossibly small. momo tries to gage the mood; thing is, she’s terrible at this.

“hi,” she says again.

they both know their comeback is a couple weeks out. it’s a stupid response. “do you live here now?” nayeon still says. the pout moves to her voice.

momo shrugs. has enough for a sheepish grin. “sleep is for the weak?” she teases. flushes too. momo grabs her water and hides behind a sip. “i just want to go over things again. it’s easier here than keeping someone awake.”

nayeon rolls her eyes. she sits on the ground. crosses her legs.

“i’m fine,” momo adds. moves to nayeon and ruffles her sweatshirt hood off her head. “i heard you’re not.”

a rueful smile crosses nayeon’s mouth. momo catches her gaze in the mirror. she’s sad. or hardened. it’s hard to tell. for momo, nayeon is the greatest mystery. hides behind a range of smiles and laughs. seems unreachable in a way that is unnerving. or really just makes momo want to fight every single person that tries to come for her.

“i don’t know why i bother,” nayeon admits absently.

“you’re human.”

“it still sucks.”

momo nods. “i know.” she shakes her head. “sometimes i like to punish myself and read what they have to say. we all do it. sana is probably the only one that can get away with it not bothering her.”

“she exists on a completely different plane,” nayeon mutters and momo laughs.

they sit quietly. momo half-expects nayeon to tell her what she read. she usually does. usually momo can gage the mood or make her laugh. usually. but somehow it’s the silence that answers instead.

it makes her a little crazy. the silence. she stares into the mirror and watches nayeon pick at her shoe laces. then she fidgets. she’s so bad at this.

“i’m okay,” nayeon says finally.

“okay.”

“you don’t believe me.” nayeon meets her gaze. “do you?”

“i didn’t say anything?”

“you don’t have to,” nayeon sours and momo wonders what exactly she read. “i can hear you thinking.”

“no you can’t.” momo nudges her. “smile.”

nayeon shakes her head. “i don’t want to.” she glares. “sometimes i really, really don’t want to. or i’m sad sometimes. or i hate my food. it has nothing to do with you, or jihyo, or _anyone_. everyone here is so important to me and i hate that people would think otherwise.”

“you got to stop reading the hate comments,” momo murmurs.

it hits this way. momo puts her fingers to nayeon’s face. guilt is a funny thing. momo swallows and smiles a little.

“you’re not ugly,” she says. nayeon wrinkles her nose and finishes momo’s sentence, “i know i’m _not_.”

but a million things go unspoken between the two of them. nayeon wears her insecurities over her sleeve. and in a weird way, it covers just how soft she is. she hates that she gets so protective of nayeon, who basically smiles through everything. it pushes these knots into her stomach. they start small. really small. then grow as her fingers move against her cheek, along her jaw, and then back against her ear, tucking her hair away.

“i know you know.” momo taps her nose. “doesn’t mean that i can’t tell you though.”

“a lot of people tell me,” nayeon mutters.

her face is red. she pulls at the hood of her sweatshirt. almost shoving it down frantically. she’s panicking. momo’s confused until nayeon groans and drops her head against her shoulder. “i’m sorry.” she swallows. “i’m not trying to be -“

momo shakes her head. “it’s okay,” she says quietly.

“i just... i know to not take it personally. i _know_ and it’s, like, not too bad reading the first few. they’re faceless for awhile. and then they even become repetitive. you tell yourself not to read them too. over and over again. you say to yourself this is part of your job.”

“it doesn’t make it okay.” momo presses her mouth into her hair. “i don’t know how one person -“

nayeon laughs. “it’s okay,” she says and then stops. she turns her head and peeks up at momo through her lashes. “i’d rather you not mom me,” she says.

and then years of _stuff_ surface. maybe not out of nowhere. it kind of just hits. momo feels her throat tighten. just over the knots in her stomach. feelings are unnerving and complicated.

“i didn’t mean it like that,” she says. momo looks away too. then gently pulls herself away from nayeon.

nayeon looks up at her. “sorry.” her nose wrinkles. “i’m in the worst mood and it’s not your fault.”

momo shrugs. “i can take it.” she tries smiling. but the knots turn to butterflies. nayeon chooses to smile. “dance with me,” momo says.

nayeon protests. "no," she insists. she drags her legs as momo tries to pull her up. they both laugh. "no," nayeon says again. "i'd rather just sit and watch you until you're ready to go home or something." her mouth twists. "or we don't have to go home. we can just run away together. far, far away together."

"on just our spending money?" momo teases. abandons nayeon's hand. her fingers twitch at her hip as she pretends to fix the music. it's something low. the beat is off.

nayeon tilts her head back. she smiles. maybe wistfully. there's a look. something that momo doesn't understand. she sees nayeon look at her like this from time to time. it's distant. maybe a little heavier than she intends it to be. or not. for momo, nayeon is the hardest to read. partly because she tries to protect herself. mostly because thinks in protecting herself she's protecting everybody else. "she's a mess," jeongyeon always says. means too. momo wonders if there's any other way around it.

"don't worry," nayeon says. "i've been saving."

it's cryptic at best. she finally stands. peels back her sweatshirt. momo smiles and changes the music. she waits until nayeon stretches her arms behind her head. there's crack and she sighs. stares pointedly at the mirror and momo until momo finds the right song for warming up.

feelings can't matter anyway. this is what momo tells herself. she's serious too. watches how pointed and serious nayeon's expression turns to. there is a crease in her brow. her shoulders set back. mouth purses. momo shifts and stands behind her. she drops a hand on nayeon's shoulder.

this is how she can be here, she thinks.

 

 

 

 

 

there is a part of her that hates that this is how it is.

momo remembers the moment. the _exact_ moment. nayeon isn't the easiest to love. she hides way too much behind a smile. enough to make you apprehensive. her brain rationalizes too much. she's goal oriented in a way that scares most people. more so to prove it all to herself and no one else.

but reality television has a funny way of peeling back the layers. so does nayeon. she's frighteningly good at that part. so when momo thought she would have to snap and give everything up, it was nayeon who put her back together. who sat with her. who told her that there was no one else like her. 

it meant a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

(the moment was much simpler than that:

sweat pushed at momo's face backstage and alone. her fingers dug into the wall. maybe to hold herself up. _definitely_ to hold herself up and keep her legs steady.

you'll be okay, she kept telling herself. until the words felt more like a fever and this strangled sound snapped out of her throat. there were arms around her waist. suddenly. or maybe they were always there. then a smaller frame pressing into her. it was nayeon. nayeon and that distinct, sharp flowery smell. 

"you'll be fine," she had said. softly. her mouth had pressed into her jaw. then the crook of her neck. "you'll be _fine_."

she can't remember if she believed her. but the world didn't stop that day. it slowed down.

momo knew it was more than just the shape of nayeon's mouth.)

 

 

 

 

 

jeongyeon doesn’t help at all.

“so, like, are you going to tell her?”

momo scoffs and monitors the photo shoot in front of them. nayeon and jihyo are being picked at with hair and makeup. jihyo looks tired. nayeon looks anxious.

“tell her what?”

“that you want her body, dummy.” jeongyeon drops an arm around her shoulder. “that you dream about her.”

momo pushes jeongyeon's arm. "stop." her face burns. she pulls her hat down. "i do _not_."

"you so do." jeongyeon shrugs. "i got used to it, remember? i'm here for moral and emotional support! and maybe a new pair of headphones because you're kind of loud."

"i _hate_ you."

jeongyeon rolls her eyes, grinning. "you don't though."

they watch jihyo and nayeon finish. jihyo wraps around nayeon's waist. momo follows them with her eyes. she hates that she's not with words. not like the others. jihyo leans in and whispers something into nayeon's ear. momo feels her stomach sink.

at some point jeongyeon starts to hum the lyrics to _cheer up_ and maybe she's trying to be funny. momo glares. 

"hey."

nayeon comes from behind. wraps her arm around her waist. she leans over her shoulder.

"you're frowning a lot." nayeon's voice is softer. she's resting. she has a vocal meeting later that night. jihyo has reminded her twenty times already; momo thought about watching. "stop frowning," nayeon chides.

"i'm not," momo is amused. she leans back out of habit. she waits for a minute. they sort of walk off to a corner. they could go get changed; momo turns but nayeon doesn't let go of her waist. "did you sleep?" momo asks.

nayeon nods. "a little." she leans against the wall next to her. "nerves," she says. turns her head to face momo. when she smiles, momo breathes a little. "i'm okay," nayeon reassures her.

"you sure?"

nayeon nods. "i let it go."

it's ambiguous at best. momo searches her expression. tries her best to pick it a part. for someone who claims to be an open book, nayeon is the hardest to read. for momo at least. it's mostly because nayeon lays everything out, right then and there, the creases in her mouth to the brightness of her eyes. she is happy. you know. she is sad. you _know_. she is angry. you for sure. 

but sometimes momo wants to go beyond that. push to the _after_ why. it's a scary feeling to want it and not know if it'll be received well. or if nayeon even wants to give her the space.

“thanks,” nayeon says. suddenly. abruptly. enough so that momo feels like she’s panicking. she’s startled and it probably shows. nayeon nudges her again. “seriously.” 

“for what?” momo swallows. “i mean –“

nayeon’s face turns red. she tries to hide it. pulls at the turtleneck she is wearing and buries her cheeks underneath.

“the other night,” she mumbles.

momo laughs. “oh.” she pauses. “i’ll always listen.”

“it’s different with you.” nayeon swallows. “i feel like-“

“what?”

nayeon ends up mumbling something. it’s hard to pull apart. momo watches her mouth form into a slight smile. or maybe momo wants it to be a smile. she still can’t hear nayeon and strains to try.

“nothing,” nayeon says. finally. seems deflated. she shifts back and momo knows she’s missed something. nayeon plasters a smile on her face. “i think it’s mostly comeback nerves. isn’t it always anyway?”

momo laughs a little. “sure,” she says. her heart shoves itself into her throat.

nayeon nods. thinks about _whatever_ for a second. enough for momo to watch an entire range of emotions display itself across her face. it’s enough for momo to feel a little crazy. crazy in a way where she thinks she can’t keep up. she almost reaches out. maybe to grab her.

“hey,” she says. suddenly too. her mouth twists a little. nayeon seems surprised.

there is something completely irresponsible about the words let’s talk. nothing makes enough sense. her mouth forms them. the words. and momo even feels herself reach for nayeon. finally, maybe. this time. her fingers slip and curl around her wrist.

“we should talk.”

“sounds serious.” nayeon is smiling. it only stays in her mouth. “we haven’t even had a date yet,” she says. it should feel like a joke.

but momo remains gentle.

“maybe it’s time,” she murmurs. probably more to herself.

it’s then that the scene comes back into play. the voices of their members - laughing, joking, running around to hair and makeup, the snapping of the lights, the pointers from the director of the shoot. it’s a little surreal. maybe heavier than it needs to be. but momo holds onto nayeon’s wrist. tightly first. she swallows back some knots in her belly. her heart is pounding.

“later,” she adds finally. her fingers squeeze nayeon’s wrist. the skin is soft.

in the dark of the corner, the lighting starts to crawl against nayeon’s face. her expression remains unreadable to momo. she’s just beautiful. all the same.

nayeon’s voice is steady. “okay,” she says. “let’s talk.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

realistically they could make time. you know, for life. stolen moments, or at least the promise of a stolen moment, seem so stupid the busier they get. especially when they all start saying things like “i get worried when we don’t have a full schedule!” because they’re barely coping with everything else.

momo struggles with this the most. it catches up with her one night too. it’s not panic. it’s heavy insecurities masked by self-awareness. she knows she could be a better dancer. maybe a better singer. maybe not. and then there’s everything else. if there’s not a photo shoot, there are rehearsals. vocal training. re-shoots. secondary vocal sessions.

“I’m _stressed_.”

jeongyeon rolls her eyes. “i know.” she throws a pillow at her head. “you’re worse than the other one.”

“you’re not funny, you know,” momo replies. it’s honest. she doesn’t realize it until jeongyeon smirks back at her. momo groans. “don’t start.”

“you were the one that went there.” 

“i did _not_.”

“so, you’re –” her roommate stares at her for a moment. “you’re going to talk to her,” she prods. “like an actual adult.”

“i never said that.”

“you two are so _irritating_.”

jeongyeon waves her hands around. "you do realize that nothing is going to ever happen if you stay silent. or pretend you're disinterested. or you avoid her. she's not stupid. and you're not stupid. and yes, okay, all of this is scary but come _on_. what's literally the worst you think can happen? you break up? okay, so what? i'm more concerned about getting murdered by tropical storms and crossing the street."

momo rolls her eyes. "that literally makes no sense." but her heart is racing a little. her own thoughts are much bigger knives. she still manages to settle back onto her back. "and i'm not avoiding her," she says quietly, looking away.

"that's good to know."

jeongyeon is out of their room entirely too fast. fast enough before she realizes that nayeon is leaning against their open door. for, you know, what seems like forever. or enough to know that they were talking about her. it's the expression on her face. a half-smile of amusement.

"that you're not avoiding me," she repeats. nayeon enters the room and closes her door. when she sits on momo's bed. she's close enough without being too close. until she draws her legs up onto the bed and grabs part of the blanket to cover herself.

"you thought i was avoiding you?" momo blinks. then turns bright red. the heat practically drowns her face. "i wasn't," she tries to defend herself. "i promise!"

nayeon pushes her arm. "you're fine," she teases.

they settle into silence. it feels a little heavy. momo thinks she may be making it a little heavy. there are about a million different reasons she starts to put together in her head. what if she was trying to tell me something. what if _i_ made her mad. what if she really doesn't want to like me.

"i do."

momo blinks. "what?"

"like you," nayeon continues. she drops onto momo's pillow. her hair fans out and she stares up at her. "i always have." her mouth curls. "you were speaking out loud," she adds.

"that's a _lie_ ," momo chokes out. but can't come up with anything to finish that thought. she groans and drops to the pillow next to nayeon, staring up the ceiling. this time, the lie seems next to impossible. "sorry," she mutters.

nayeon laughs softly. "you've always been a terrible liar. at least you know," she reasons.

"you hate me."

nayeon rolls her eyes. she hits her arm this time. "you've got to stop this," she says. "let me talk," she reasons too. "i've had this long speech planned for, like, forever."

momo turns her head. she stares at nayeon. it feels a little funny, but she stares and tries to think of what she could possibly say. everything seems a little heavy. maybe heavier than it needs to be. maybe she's just too serious.

"i do like you," nayeon repeats.

"i -" momo starts, but nayeon cuts her off. 

her hand drops over momo's mouth and she laughs a little. "no," she says at the same time. "you need to listen."

"okay," she says against her hand. her voice is muffled and they both laugh.

but nayeon stares. the changes in her expression are a little overwhelming. it's not heavy; it's confusing. and she tries to pick up on things that she recognize - is she happy, is she sad, is any of this going to make sense.

"i'm just going to kiss you," nayeon tells her. softly. her bangs ruffle into her eyes and the bed squeaks a little when she shuffles closer to momo. "i don't think the big speech is going to do much anyway. saying everything. confessions are hard." she's almost self-indulgent. "i'll save that part for another time. or when we're actually alone in the dorm. i don't know." she shrugs. "i didn't plan this well."

"you're confessing to me?" momo asks, dumbly.

nayeon nods. leans forward and presses her lips against momo's. it's a whisper of a kiss. more shy than anything else. "i think so," she adds. "words are hard, remember? i've been singing all day today. about boys and the pitter patter of my heart. or whatever. kind of takes the magic away."

"i was there," momo says dryly. she tucks her fingers underneath nayeon's chin. she gently presses her mouth against nayeon's again. she's careful, this time. tucks her legs to the side so she can sort of shift and slip her arm around nayeon's head. "i usually am," she says against nayeon's mouth. earns a laugh. she can even taste it as she opens her mouth.

everything is fast. maybe a little too much. but nayeon's mouth is just as sweet as momo thought it was going to be. there's a tang, a sharp line of _something_ that hits her just as nayeon slips her tongue over her own. her eyes shoot open. there's a soft moan. the sound is really, really heavy. one of them swallows and then momo's fingers are in nayeon's hair.

kissing is never what it's supposed to be. this feels like it's romantic. feels like it's supposed to be anything but. momo can only focus on nayeon. being overwhelmed with nayeon. she likes it, she decides. has a thing for when nayeon drags her teeth over her lip. different from what she thought it was going. momo feels herself making all these sounds: low moans, soft mews, and just before she sighs, nayeon's slipped a leg between her own.

it's dizzy and that's how the kiss gets messy. how her mouth becomes hot and wet and slick. how she discovers that if she presses her knee just a little bit to the _left_ nayeon practically melts into her and it makes everything start to spin that much faster.

"we're going too fast," nayeon says. breathes. sounds like she's panicking. or it's all three. her eyes are wide and momo can only wrap her fingers in her hair as response. "so," nayeon manages, biting her lip and momo just wants to kiss her again too. "we're not?"

"i don't know," momo admits. her chest rises and falls. nayeon tucks herself against her. the blanket somehow finds its way around the two of them. "i can't think right now. this seems like a better idea."

nayeon laughs. it hums into her mouth again. she steals another kiss and momo tries to bite her lip again. "you're the worst," nayeon smiles against her mouth. "i just don't know how to think right now." everything feels a little sweeter. "especially when you do that."

"that kind of just happened, you know?" momo is unapologetic.

"definitely did."

they both laugh. nayeon again. momo for what feels like _finally_ and _forever_. her head's even spinning.

"jeongyeon is probably not coming back," momo adds. off-handedly. nayeon barks another laugh, then muffles it with a hand. momo grins and owns the statement. "probably just in case."

"probably," nayeon agrees.

it's embarrassing. maybe not. but momo finds herself really comfortable with nayeon in her bed. talking quietly. tucked into her side with no plan at all.

"was it a good speech?" she quips. maybe they're not ready yet, she thinks. maybe this is better. a quick step forward.

"still writing it." nayeon's voice is a little sleepy. she tucks herself against momo again. just adjusting. a little closer. her mouth presses against her neck. "i'm too much of a perfectionist."

momo laughs. "you?"

she's getting sleepy too. lulled mostly by nayeon's fingertips. they've found their way to her stomach. under the hem of her t-shirt. soft circles are little cliche, probably even more than the pattern that momo is trying to find. so it's simple then: nayeon's fingers are long and soft. when they spread, they drag over stomach, then back to her hip, then back again. she likes it.

"i'm glad you're here," momo murmurs. tucks a kiss into nayeon's hair. promises herself not to move after that.

everything has a start, you know.


End file.
